he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
