I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's shark week go big or go home
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize