Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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