We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Drake has all the answers
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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