You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
