You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
