He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just pee around me
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
