She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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