did you get engaged???
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Come on in and take your pants off
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