Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
At least life still wants to fuck me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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