if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize