Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
