Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
