Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize