I heard we made out
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
my sisters under your porch take her home
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
