Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize