My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
