Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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