I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
