im drinking this country out of the recession.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
