I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I wish you could order shots online.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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