remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
