Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
