i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
