You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
