I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
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