Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
