I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
