We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
