I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
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