was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Less talking, more tequila
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
