I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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