if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
