TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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