Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
