I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
