I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
