...so i touched it.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
