his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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