so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
areolas are like halos for boobs.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
