My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I AM VODKA MAN
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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