So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
