Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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