go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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