Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
