SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I think my vagina is haunted
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
