My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My life is pants optional.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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