I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
