I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I want to fling myself into the sun
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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