I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize