I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize