Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
