At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
