I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
