My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
