Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
