When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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