So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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