I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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