I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
