So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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