youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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