you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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