I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
