Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
