and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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