I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
