Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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