I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
