his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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