I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
