My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
