being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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