I got chris browned last night
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize