the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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