You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
