Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
