thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
