can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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