I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
