you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize