Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
