Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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