im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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