i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
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