Umm I'm too high to move.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
