Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
