I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize