Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
