how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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