my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
