i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
