Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
