Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize