I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I think your dad took our porno
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
