I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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