maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize