and you said cock pushups were impossible
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
