S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
