Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
