Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
