just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
