Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
As shirtless as possible
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
