I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize