I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
