I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
