This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I have aggressive nipples.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
