you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
