We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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