Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
