so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
