In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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