I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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