bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
we made out on top of his cat.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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