i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
