i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
