I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
