Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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