Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
