Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize