Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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