i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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